Month: July 2012

Became a volunteer today

After researching a bunch of rescue groups in the greater Boston area, today I did my volunteer orientation at a small rescue group in Dedham (http://shultzsguesthouse.org/).  They currently have 7 dogs, which will soon be 6 as one is being adopted out this weekend, on this amazing farm in the suburbs.  I got to go on 2 hikes through the woods with the dogs, the first was in a group of 7 dogs and the second was 4 dogs.  The second walk was pretty amazing as it was just me, the dog I was walking, the rescue manager, the dog she was walking and her 2 dogs (off leash).  I got to tell them a little about Lupe and there were no tears, just smiles.

I have another orientation on Saturday for another group, a little larger, so it will be interesting to see how different the 2 are.  I’m glad that I am able to give back to other dogs for all that Lupe gave me.  I’m exhausted but so happy.  I know my girl is looking down at me, proud that I have found an avenue to get rid of some of the anxiety and stress that have come into my life since Lupe got sick and earned her wings.

And no, I did not come home with a dog! 🙂

Its been a month…

I have had the same picture of Lupe on my desk at work for almost 10 years and I found a quote in a daily calendar I once had.  “No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.” – Louis Sabin.  Until the last month or so, I never fully understood how much richer my life was because I shared it with her.

It was 1 month ago today that I had to let Lupe go.  Truly not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, expect to see her when I walk into the door, or cry that she’s gone.  I had thought of so many things that I could do today to keep my mind of things, but honestly I don’t want to do a single thing.  I feel like garbage and completely numb.

An old friend and I had lunch yesterday and she told me that my attitude towards all that happened is amazing that I’m grounded and rational about it all.  If she could have seen the tears behind my sunglasses or felt the lump in my throat maybe she would have a different opinion.  I mean, it was no one’s fault and I’m not mad at anyone but I’m pissed that I lost my dog and I want her back!  I’ve noticed this angry feeling more over the last few days…I need to channel this anger, hopefully back to exercising or volunteering.

To my devine Miss L, words cannot express the void you have left in my life.  I thank you for all the joy you brought me and I’m truly sorry that all we tried didn’t help.  So many people were pulling for you, so many people who wanted you to happy and healthy, no one more than me.  I hope you are running free and getting belly rubs and ear scratches.  Know I miss you and that I love you my sweet stinkerdoodle.

Lupe at Daycare

July 7th – 1 month ampuversary*

I’ve been trying to thing of witty remarks and cute comments on how to mark what would have been Lupe’s 1 month ampuversary but honestly I can’t.  All I could think of was the asterick that people talked about after Barry Bonds hit his homeruns…the joys of being a baseball fan.  The asterick seems fitting to me because if our sweet ones are restored after they leave us, that means Lupe is running around on all fours with both of her eyes.

I spent the 7th with good friends who I haven’t seen in a while, back up at their “camp” in the Adirondacks.  I was reminded of good times, how things change and how this year I wasn’t worried about Lupe being okay so far away.  I know she’s okay, she’s surrounded by so many loved ones and friends (both human and furry).

Honestly, not a day doesn’t go by when I get the lump in my throat multiple times, where I don’t feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach, where I don’t look foward to opening the door and seeing that wiggly butt or sweet sleeping dog.  But I have begun to notice that there are more smiles when thinking of her.

 

Monkeybutts took over my place…

So I had some friends come into town from Albany (NY not GA) this weekend.  My friend Polly has two silky terriers (Francesca & Molly) and she brought them with them.  I was anxious to have dogs in my apartment again but it ended up being amazing.  I put Lupe’s beds away, I wasn’t ready to have another dog on them, but Francesca and Molly had free reign of the place.  They played with Lupe’s old toys, used her bowls, chilled on the furniture and even went on some of her old walks.  It was great and so helpful for me.  Of course I couldn’t help thinking about how it would have been to have Lupe meet and chill with them, but it was like Lupe was with us.

When they left, I sent the girls home with some of Lupe’s toys that they happily played with and a couple of her extra leashes.  I also decided not to put Lupe’s beds back out.  They are put away but near my bed…in case she needs to snooze while watching over me.  I also bought some frames to hang up so pictures of her because I have none in my place, she was here, I didn’t need pictures of her.  I also bought a shelf that I’m going to have my neighbor hang up over her favorite chair in the living room, I’ve decided its where I will put her ashes, along with one of my favorite pictures of us and the card of her pawprint.

The apartment is quiet without the 2 monkeybutts but its okay.  This is my new normal and I’m slowly (very slowly) getting used to it.